Self-Love Lessons Straight from Judge Judy's Courtroom

For this post, I would like to take you to court. But don’t worry, you will win this arbitrary session. I promise no one will get hurt. 

How do you feel about Judge Judy? It is easy to see how she became a polarising TV personality. Many have applauded her direct and no-nonsense approach, while some may perceive her as straightforward. Personally, I found her show highly amusing. I was always thoroughly entertained. 

No matter where you find yourself on the spectrum, I thought exploring the show from a fresh perspective would be beneficial. Surprisingly enough, Judge Judy holds valuable lessons on how to cultivate self-love. Let’s have a look. 

Opening statements.

Before we start, there is a fundamental premise that I would like to bring to your attention. This will help us make the most out of this article. Cognitive-behavioural psychology stipulates that there is a direct correlation between what we think, what we feel and how we behave. 

The therapeutic interventions focus on increasing awareness of our thinking patterns. When we become aware of our thoughts, it is much easier to understand how they link with our feelings.

Changing our thoughts will change our feelings. In essence, many of the tools used aim to challenge the validity of our point of view. This is where Judge Judy comes into place. 

I feel this has a simple yet powerful practical implication. As a rule of thumb, when I have negative feelings, it means there is a thought behind causing it.

Now, I don’t mean to say negative thoughts are necessarily bad. There is always a reason why they are there. Listening to them will give you clues to understand what is going on. Also, they can be an essential part of our healing process.

However, if we know that our thoughts can determine our feelings, isn’t it worth checking them out? 

Judge Judy

The structure of the show was simple. There was a plaintiff, who initiated the lawsuit and the defendant trying to argue their case. Through questioning, Judge Judy would review the evidence. After her evaluation, she would come to a verdict. The show assumed all the costs involved.

What does this have to do with our self-love?

We have determined that what we think is important. It has the power to influence our feelings and behaviours. However, do you believe that your thoughts are always an accurate representation of the truth? 

One of the things that I encourage you to remember is that just because we think of it does not mean it is the truth. Just because we feel something doesn’t mean it is always true. Our feelings are not facts. 

I would like you to think about Judge Judy every time you doubt yourself or your self-love/worth. 

I know that your thoughts and feelings are super valid. I completely agree. However, if we feel that our self-love is not great, there are some thoughts behind them.

Please feel free to tell me to f**k off if that’s how you feel, but I am almost sure that those thoughts are not accurate. Will they pass the Judge Judy BS detector test? It is time to take it to court. 

Please be seated. It is court time.

We are now going to mimic the structure of the show. Let’s start from the beginning:

1. Describe the situation. The show starts by describing the situation. What’s happened? What are the reasons that have led you to question your self-love? I know there will be a lot of personal interpretations, but at this stage, we are focusing on facts, not interpretations. Judge Judy wants an objective view of the situation and sticks to just the facts.

2. It is time to present your case. What are your interpretations of those facts? What meaning are you attributing to them?

3. Now is when things get interesting. For the most part, we take our thoughts for granted. They are the truth for us. But would an external person agree with your interpretation of the facts? Judge Judy’s job is to review the evidence. What proof do you have that justifies your lack of love? Would Judge Judy side with you in court?

4. We are getting close to ending the case. After reviewing all your interpretations and all the evidence. What is the most constructive way to look at this situation? What is the most loving way to see this?

Times when you should take yourself to court:

• Feeling low.

• You are upset.

• You are taking yourself for granted.

• You are not appreciating yourself enough.

• You don't feel worthy of love.

• You are not feeling worthy of good things. 

• What else would you add to this list?

  
  

  

Closing statements:

• Don’t believe everything you think/feel, especially if they question your worth. 

• Your thoughts and your feelings are not facts.

• Be open to questioning your interpretations.

• Be honest with yourself and seek for undisputed evidence. What proof do you have that supports your point of view? Are you biassed? Would Judge Judy side with you?

• Look out for the most constructive view. This point alone has the potential to transform your relationship with you gradually. Actively seeking the most constructive way to see this challenge will help you feel better every time, even if it is a little.

  
  

Food for thought: 

Paying attention to your thoughts and your feelings is an act of love. In future posts, we will explore more tools and techniques you can use. But for now:

• If you had to choose one thing, what would be your biggest takeaway from this article?

• In what way can you incorporate it into your day-to-day life?

As always, thanks a million for being there. I hope you find this post useful. Please feel free to share your thoughts, feelings and opinions. They could be helpful for others. Have a lovely day!